Luckily, the out-of-touch brands like Denny’s and IHOP hire super-awesome hip social media managers to create content that people engage the shit out of. Cool start-ups and apps do the same, but it comes more naturally to them, of course.
Thus, the sickening trend of using Millennial and teenager slang on advertising and branded social media accounts is born. Not to mention the onslaught of advertorial content on sites like Buzzfeed.
WARNING: The five examples below will make you question ever using slang again. So if you want to continue saying “bae” unironically, send out a few last texts before proceeding.
1. Push For Pizza Uses ‘Bae’
No. The actual definition of bae means “before anyone else,” and often appears as a term of endearment, as in — “Listen girl, you’re my bae. I love you. Now let’s order Seamless and get all weird and inappropriate on each other.”
The term most certainly doesn’t apply to a fucking slice of pizza. You’re on watch, useless iPhone app.
2. IHOP Claims Their Pancakes Are ‘On Fleek’
Pancakes on fleek.
— IHOP (@IHOP) October 21, 2014
Fuck no. The phrase ‘on fleek’ basically means on point, and is often used to recognize fashionable choices, like donning the perfect hipster beanie to complement your trust fund.
Take note, IHOP, pancakes are definitely not cool or #onfleek. They’re pancakes. Keep going after the 65+ demographic like you know you should.
For more information, we created a guide on how to actually use on fleek properly.
3. Dr. Pepper Urges You To ‘Crush Pepper’
Damn it, Dr. Pepper. I’d be more angry if you weren’t so tasty, but seriously, stop it. I know you have an up-and-coming Millennial social media wizard running your Twitter account, but know your place.
Using an iteration of the term “crush it” (i.e. to do something so well that it implodes into nothingness) is just out-of-touch. And now, completely uncool to say now that you’ve said it.
4. Sonic Keeps Trying to Make ‘Bae’ Happen
Sonic ice is bae.
— Sonic Drive-In (@sonicdrivein) July 7, 2014
Ugh. Not only is this improper English, but how in the world can a Sonic Ice be “bae?” No explanation given.
Are they implying that—to some customer they’re desperately trying to relate to—a Sonic drink is actually a lover to them? Because that’s disturbing. And it sounds really uncomfortable to have sex with an iced beverage.
Also, why is a restaurant talking?
5. Seamless… Why?
My neck, my back, my Netflix and my snacks. — Seamless (@Seamless) October 26, 2014
WTF? OK, all of those things go very nicely together, but you’re referencing a rap song by Khia about oral sex. As in, “My neck, my back, lick my pussy and my crack.”
Seamless… you’re a fucking mobile app for food delivery! No one is reading this tweet and being like, “Whoa, Seamless is so with it, man.” They’re feeling all uncomfortable as you appropriate culture for brand marketing goals.
What are you trying to do, here?
Bonus: Denny’s Promotes ‘Denchella’
God, no. The Coachella Music Festival might be the perfect microcosm of brands completely abusing things once considered cool. So this Denny’s Coachella lineup that includes such artists as Ghostface Skillet, instead of iconic rapper Ghostface Killah, is just… cringe-worthy.
I feel used. I need to go drink my sorrows away.